Soulsearching
In October, I decided to paint at home instead of in the studio. I started painting at the kitchen table and on our back deck. I wanted to surround myself with the things that I love and to follow my whims each day. My structure was to create 30 paintings in 30 days on small 8 × 10 mattboards.
Here is a picture of me beginning a painting of a begonia. I adore begonias for their wonky, asymmetrical leaves like angels’ wings. My begonia has white polka dots which provide irridescent windows into the succulent leaf itself. But it’s the colors that make me swoon. The surprise flash of maroon on the underside of the leaf, and the olive green of the leaf’s surface. And the tender new leaves that unfurl in chartreuse and pink like the folded paper fans that I made as a child.
Begonias represent regeneration and resilience to me. Snap a branch off a begonia, and within a few weeks, you will see a new shoot emerging from the wound. I long to be more like the begonia, to pivot and find the opportunity hidden in the loss. It is much easier for me to stew in the disappointments than to move on. I imprint easily.
This summer was disorienting to me as I underwent one disappointment after another as potential creative gigs didn’t materialize. What emerged from this challenging time was a renewed commitment to myself and my art. I want to show up in my vulnerabilty, and to tell the truth as I see it. I’m excited and motivated to share my art with others, and to tell the stories that inspired the work. And I’m getting in touch with a fierceness that I didn’t know I had, a powerful drive to get my art out into the world even if it means a few disappointments along the way.
